Celebrating

While Thanksgiving was the big celebration of the week for most Americans, in my family it was overshadowed by my parents 50th wedding anniversary celebration. Mom isn't one for a big party and did NOT want to celebrate their anniversary in a church basement. She prefers smaller gatherings where you can actually visit with everyone. So after much conversation she and Dad settled on two small parties, one on Friday evening and another on Saturday afternoon.

As I listened to the stories that were told, I was reminded of how much times have changed in the last 50 years. Weddings were always on Friday night back then and theirs didn't begin until 8 pm to make sure the farmers had time to finish the chores. When I consider how early my parents usually go to bed, it's amazing they were alert enough to remember their memorized vows. Aunt Mim brought a notebook with all of the music she and Aunt Barb had played at the wedding on the piano and organ. They had only one copy of one of the songs so Mim had copied it by hand. There were no copy machines back in 1962. The reception would be considered quite simple by today's standards, but for back then in NW Iowa, it was quite a spread. Not only was there angel food cake and ice cream but also turkey salad. Dad says he didn't remember much about the wedding, but he did say that they missed the reception since they were upstairs taking pictures. Most people were gone by the time they got to the church basement.

The purpose of marriage is to be a living illustration of the relationship between Christ and his church. How thankful I am to have parents (and grandparents) who are faithful to their vows no matter what the circumstances - in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, in joys and in sorrows. Through their commitment to each other, Mom and Dad have shown me God's faithfulness and commitment to me. For that I am very thankful.

Living with Disability

This week one of our professors brought in a group of her friends so we could listen to their stories of what it means to live with a disability on a daily basis. Two of my favorite had cerebral palsy which is a group of disorders that impacts brain and nervous system functions. It affects people differently. Lori, a woman in her 50s was able to speak but it obviously took effort and her hands shook. She gets around in a wheelchair but is able to stand up and move short distances. Jim, on the other hand, was very difficult to understand, has the use of one hand and a wheelchair is his only mobility. Despite these difficulties they have lived with for as long as they can remember, both are full of life and have a great sense of humor.

Lori began by telling us that her favorite part of disability was the opportunity to be creative. She preceded to show us her creative solutions to some of the challenges she faces. She doesn't like winter in part because the waterfalls in the area where she lives are turned off. So she wanted to take a video of the waterfalls with her iPhone. For most of us that would be a simple task but for Lori it is a challenge because she can't hold the phone steady. Her creative solution: tape the phone to a yard stick that she could prop up. Her video didn't move at all. Lori has her own version of the serenity prayer, "Lord, show me what I can do, what I can't do and give me the wisdom to know the difference."

Jim is 76 and has been married for 23 years. His wife was also present and she too has cerebral palsy. One of her roles was to translate for Jim though she wasn't that easy to understand either. Jim wrote out his story in a power point presentation and we took turns reading it out loud. The first slide said a lot about how the way society has viewed those who aren't "normal."

a "crippled" child

a "handicapped" young adult

a "disabled" adult

a senior with abilities

Jim's parents were told to put him in an institution. They refused and took their 2 year old boy home and did the best they could. An uncle noticed how bright this boy was who couldn't speak so his mother began to teach him. Later she advocated for him and the school system provided a tutor. He did just as well as any of the others his age. As a young adult he took college level courses in accounting and opened his own accounting and tax preparation business. He soon became known as the man no one can understand but who can save you lots of money on your taxes. His life was revolutionized by the computer which made the accounting work much easier and allowed him to communicate so much more easily with others.

Jim ended his written presentation with, "Don't label a child born without some function 'disabled.' Rather call them uniquely challenged with all the possibilities of uniqueness." Then he turned to us and said, "I hope you understand more about how interesting it is to be disabled."

Missing John

It's been awhile since I've written. One reason is that my creative juices are gone by the time I'm done writing all the papers due by week's end. Another is that the events of the last few weeks that would normally make good fodder for a post here seem to pale in significance compared with the one-year anniversary of my brother's death on November 4. At the same time I don't really know what to say about that either. However, a few people are missing my posts so I figured I'd better write the few thoughts I have so I can move on to other things.

An article I read for class referred to some prisoners who talked about the things they missed the most about being on the outside. All of them mentioned everyday, simple things that we often take for granted such as eating breakfast with the family or taking a walk through the park. I feel that way when I think about John. I miss the everyday things.

• I miss the sound of the backdoor opening at my parents and hearing his footsteps coming down the hall. 
• I miss hearing Elizabeth's enthusiastic, "Daddy!" when he came through the door. 
• I miss the way he would get up from the table and help Mom clean up the kitchen. 
• I miss talking with him on the phone and after about a minute hearing him say, "I don't know nothing" and then (usually) he would keep talking. 
• I miss the fun he brought to parties and games. He was a tease but he would make as much fun of himself as he did of the rest of us. 
• I miss him saying, "O my aching back!" when I complained too much for his taste.
• I miss his sarcastic humor

My brother, Andrew, posted some pictures from last year's harvest here and at the bottom he included a video that John had taken last October of Elizabeth driving the semi. I had seen the video before but as I watched it almost a year later, I realized how long it has been since I'd heard John's voice and from my current perspective, how long it will be before I hear it again.

My grief continues, and I suppose it always will. However, now I go for a run for the exercise and not to deal with my anger. I still don't know how to answer people who ask how many siblings I have. I'm so thankful that in the midst of the grief there is hope: hope of the resurrection, hope that Jesus will set all things right, hope that somehow all this will work out for the good of those who love God.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, 

so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope. 

Romans 15:13