Grateful!

Last Thursday I became officially certified as an OTR. I can not yet begin working until I'm officially licensed and can put OTR/L behind my name. As I've reflected on the four years this journey has taken, I'm very grateful for many people who walked with me and helped along the way.

• Housemates: Kathryn gave me my first address in Minneapolis when I was a friend of a friend. She was a former non-traditional student herself, so I actually believed her when she said my brain would remember how to study. Staci graciously took the tiny bedroom for the year we lived in an apartment together. While she struggled to stay sane, I was grateful for the extra space as I spent so much time there. Jan had some mutual friends vouch for me before she let me move in. She put up with my amazing ability to use every burner and pan while fixing supper and welcomed me into her relationships. 
• Minneapolis family: Though I didn't live very close to my extended family, it was nice to have "family" 45 minutes away. Barb and Wes welcomed me as part of their family around their table. They and cousins helped me move on the hottest day of the year. 
• Twin Cities Church: During the first few months I was in Minneapolis, I especially enjoyed the meal we had together as a house church each Wednesday evening. The time we spent around the table helped me get to know people and was often the only time during the week I ate a meal with someone else. Over time, these people became family. They helped me move, provided a place to stay between more permanent addresses and let me love on their kids. We shared each others joys, sorrows, and stresses and grew together in the grace of the gospel. This group of people reshaped my view of church.
• Former ex-pats: Within a month after I moved to Minneapolis, I met a couple who had moved back to the US after spending over 20 years in Europe. I no longer remember their names, but they told me it takes three years to adjust. That stuck with me and helped me be patient with the transition. Oscar and Cathi understood some of the quirks I picked up while in France and always seemed to delight in my stopping by unannounced. An added bonus was watching their son play rugby. I will never forget how they walked with me as I grieved John's death.
• Free housing: Jean and George, old family friends, welcomed me into their home while I was in Fergus Falls for three months. Scott and Kelly opened their home to a complete stranger when I was in St. Cloud. Their generosity saved me a lot of money and made that time of transition much easier.  
• Grandma: It was far easier for me to embark on this adventure because of Grandma's savings. From the time I was quite young, she had put money aside for me to use for college. I had enough left over to use as a down payment on an apartment in France. Between the increase in the market value and the drop of the dollar, it ended up being a very good investment that allowed me to pay for my schooling and live for 4 years without going into debt. My part time jobs and some help from my parents means I still have enough money in the bank to survive until I get my first pay check.
• Mom and Dad have always been my biggest cheerleaders. Mom did ask once if I had a plan B if I didn't get accepted into OT school. I didn't -- and I was accepted. More recently they had no doubt I would pass my boards, even though I had plenty. (Plan B was to study some more and take it again.) They have come to visit, filled up my gas tank and refrigerator, handed me checks, moved my stuff, stored my stuff, and welcomed me back into their basement. Through all the transition and changes, they have remained steadfast.

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, 

coming down from the Father of lights 

with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.

(James 1.17)

Test Anxiety

I'm not one who usually experiences any anxiety over tests. I study with the time I have and just go take it. For about the last month, my main task has been studying for my boards. It covers everything I learned (or was supposed to learn) in OT school. It seemed fairly straight forward until I started taking the practice exams that are included with the study guide I purchased. I answered the 170 multiple choice questions on the first one and read all of the rationals for all the correct answers. This process helped me understand how think through the questions and what I needed to study more. When I did no better on test #2 than on the first, I started getting nervous. I woke up at 3:00 with a tightness in my chest, a sure sign that I'm stressed. My thoughts went something like this:

• There is a lot riding on this test.
• There is no 2nd test at the end of the semester to make up for a poor showing.
• It cost $500 to take this test making a retake rather costly.
• I can't start working until I pass the test and it takes a month to get the results, so not passing would really push everything back.
• There's no way I can memorize all those charts about developmental milestones in the little bit of time that is left before next Tuesday. Why do they expect us to know things that we can look up on a chart anyway?
• There is an awful lot riding on this test.

I felt like I needed to go for a run to work out some of the stress.  But it was 3:00 in the morning so I just did some sit-ups and squats followed by some deep breaths and prayers. I eventually got back to sleep.

Since then, I've calmed down quite a bit. I still wish I felt more prepared, but over the last three days I've worked hard at reviewing the things I've learned in the past. An uncle reminded me that the most important thing to do is stay calm so you can think. Sounds like good advice. And many others have already passed this test. It is possible. I have one more day to review and then I'll do something to relax. Someone asked if I'd be throwing a party on Tuesday evening after the test. No, that will come when I hear that I've passed.