A Theater, a Field, and God's Sovereignty

I was on my way home from work when I heard the news that 12 people had died during the night as the result of gunshot wounds while sitting in a theater in Aurora, CO. The silver lining seemed to be that the police had first reported 14 dead but had revised the number down to 12. At that point not many details were known and I've done little to try and learn more. It struck too close to home. I can't help but think of 12 families going through what we did last November, the sleepless nights, the tears, the sense that none of what was happening was real, the decisions that had to be made, the questions... I hope they are also experiencing the support of extended family and their community with neighbors who rearrange their refrigerator to help keep all the food people bring, men who come with a bear hug because there are no words, and those who will sit and pray, not trying to give answers. And I know it won't be over for them in a couple of weeks even though the rest of the world will move on. 

Petra's story is the only one I've read. She was in the theater that night. A bullet entered through her nose and went up through her brain stopping just before exiting her skull. Nobody survives trauma like that and if they do, they have severe brain damage. But Petra has a tiny "defect" like "a vein through marble" that winds it way through her brain. It so happens that the bullet followed that vein exactly, including its turns so it missed everything vital. Petra's pastor, writing the story, describes it as "God working ahead of time for a particular event in the future. It’s just like the God I follow to plan the route of a bullet through a brain long before Batman ever rises. Twenty-two years before."

It's a wonderful story of God's sovereign grace. But what does that say about the 12 who did die? Where was his preventive grace for them? And, to bring it closer to home, where was it on the afternoon of November 4th in an Iowa field? That question didn't actually come to my mind as I read that story. Instead it gave me comfort. As senseless as any event seems from our perspective, God is in control. He is working things out for the good of those who love him; he is reconciling all things to himself; there will be peace in the end.

One of the things Mom said to me shortly after John died was, "We have always said we believed in God's sovereignty. Now we get to live it." I have not lived it without pain and grief. I cannot pretend to understand. My brother's death still makes no sense. I read Job and the Psalms and I realize that I am not alone in my questions and confusion. I am thankful for God's grace and mercy that enables me trust him much as a child trusts her Daddy even when she doesn't understand what he is doing. I can trust because Jesus promises everything will be all right in the end. If it is not all right, it is not yet the end.

I've written a few times about a family in France who adopted me as Aunt Alice over 20 years ago. As most international families, they are scattered around the world and it's been several years since they were all together. Greg is married and lives in Dallas with their 1 year old son. Heather and her husband from Tahiti live in Minot ND. Geoffrey and his bride live in France and Jeremy, the youngest who just received his baccalaureate (i.e. finished French high school) still lives with Mom and Dad in France. All 10 of them gathered for several days of fun at Grandpa's house on the lake. The blessing for me is that Grandpa lives about an hour away from the Twin Cities so I was able to join them for a day.

None of what we did together really makes for a very good story. We just ate too much, took a snooze on the couch, told stories, were completely entertained by a one year old who can't talk, dropped Greg and his family off at the airport, spent several hours at the Mall of America where the main attraction was a few rides in Nickelodeon Universe. Then we ate some more with at least 3 conversations going on at once around the table. It was just an ordinary day (except for Jeremy getting sick from a lack of sleep combined with a Red Bull and too many amusement park rides). Yet I thoroughly enjoyed it and willingly stayed up past my bedtime to make it last a bit longer. Sometimes it's good to just catch up with what is happening in the lives of those we love, to hear where progress has been made and of future plans and dreams. I am currently in a situation where I'm meeting lots of new people and it was wonderful to spend a day with friends with a long history and nothing needs to be explained.

Reading to Audrey

For the last couple of months I've been volunteering at a nearby nursing home. I was matched up with Audrey (not her real name), a 97 year old woman who is in bed all the time except for the evening meal. She wasn't very talkative at the beginning. My questions seemed to frustrate her. When I found she played the piano I tried to find out what kind of music she had played but she didn't remember. My question about who her favorite authors were was met with a similar response as if I was making her think too hard. The 2nd or 3rd time I stopped to visit she asked if I would read to her. I was glad to so I started in on a book chosen by her daughter. We are nearing the end of that book and have settled into a routine. I try to get there around 4 on Tuesday afternoon when she is awake after a nap. I ask how she is to which she usually responds, "Oh, about the same." I tell her a bit about my week and she usually remembers what I have told her before. Soon she asks if I'm going to read so I get the book and read until someone comes to get her up for dinner.

Once I thought Audrey had fallen asleep so I stopped reading. Her eyes popped open and she told me she was listening even though her eyes were closed. A few weeks ago she really did fall asleep as there was no response when I reached the end of a chapter. A few minutes later she woke up and felt bad for falling asleep. I asked her what was the last thing she remembered and picked it up from there. That reassured me that she really was listening and understanding. Since she is rather hard of hearing sometimes when we are talking she asks me to repeat something several times. Though she has never stopped me when I'm reading, I've wondered how much she actually understands. That little episode told me that she is at least getting the gist of the story.

This past week she declared that it was too hot to read. She'd fall asleep for sure. It was warmer in her room than usual and we discovered later that the AC had been turned off on her side of the room. Instead of reading we watched a TV game show and then the news together. She always has her TV on mute but her roommate on the other side of the curtain had hers tuned to the same channel so I could hear what was going on and fill in some of the details for Audrey.

Estate Sale

(This blog is late since I do not yet have internet in my new home. It should be working by Thursday evening.)

I spent Friday and much of Saturday helping a friend with an estate sale she was doing for Vicky, a relative who had moved to assisted living. Vicky had been in the diplomatic corps so had lived in several different countries including India, China, Turkey and at least one North African country. As a result furniture, brass, clocks, artwork, linens, clothes, lead crystal dishes and much more from all over the world were for sale. I had a hard time imagining how all of the items displayed had actually fit in her 2-bedroom condo. Most of the time I kept an eye on the jewelry and helped with the cash box.

It was surprising to me how many things were actually sold. One woman bought two large sacks of vintage clothing to resell at her shops. Another man used his smart phone to check the prices against what the same item was going for on the internet. He left with one small clock. A woman from India came early on the first day and was delighted to find some things that reminded her of home. 

I am amazed at how much time some people can spend looking and re-looking at everything being sure not to miss anything. I identified more with the practical folk who looked through the kitchen things for something they needed and made a quick tour through the other rooms. At the end of the first day I spotted a couscousière on the floor in the dining room. I told the women in charge that if it didn’t sell I would take it. They responded that since I knew what it was, I could take it right then as long as I promised to invite them over some cous-cous. The fulfillment of that promise will have to wait until the weather cools down