A Silent Retreat

Since January I've been going through the book Sacred Rhythms which talks about spiritual disciplines beginning with silence and solitude. At first glance, more solitude isn't something I need as I already spend a lot of time alone. However, that time is usually not silent and I rarely think about the solitude as purposeful time with God. I found it difficult to be silent and listen in God's presence for even a few minutes, much less a whole weekend. Yet, I do long for deeper intimacy with him so when I came across a silent retreat sponsored by Christos Center I decided to sign up. I had little idea what to expect but as I packed, I resisted the urge to bring a novel along. My bible, journal, and some other paper should be good enough -- right?

We met at Villa Maria where several retreats were happening at the same time -- and they weren't silent. We began with getting to know each other over supper where I talked primarily with Julie, who had spent a year in France 30 years ago. After the meal we met together to go over the plan for the weekend. We went around the room and briefly introduced ourselves and what our expectations were. As we left the room at about 8:00 Friday evening we entered into silence. There were smiles of greetings in the hallways and at meals but for the most part we gave each other plenty of space. I had thought that meal time would be awkward, but that didn't turn out to be the case at all. We got our food in the main cafeteria which was full of chatter from the other groups. I had a sense of relief when I got into the smaller room reserved for us where relaxing music was playing "so you don't have to listen to each other chew." It was quiet and peaceful and everyone was lost in their own thoughts. I had no desire to break that for them or to have anyone speak to me. I was content to mull over whatever it was I had been thinking about before I came in.

There were regularly scheduled times of meditation where the leader of the weekend spoke briefly but none of it was mandatory. I only attended one of those which lasted about 10 minutes. I just wanted to stay where God was directing my thoughts as I spent most of the day outdoors. I talked for about an hour with one of the spiritual directors which was helpful. I went on an hour walk in the woods and the meadow which was part of a state park. There was a few times I was bored and was wishing for a novel, but in the end I was glad I could just sit. With my nose in a book I would have missed the soaring eagle in the morning and a soaring hawk later in the afternoon. It was also part of slowing down that I needed so I would stop thinking and listen for God's voice. I'm always doing something even if that is simply reading or listening to the radio as I fix supper. By the time it was over, I felt much more settled and peaceful. I was glad to talk again but I didn't mind silence on the drive home and my mind wasn't flitting from one thing to another.

Sunday morning we met for the Lord's Supper together and we broke the silence by giving a brief report on how God had met each of us. It was different for everyone. God wanted me to experience again that he loves me and he is with me. The passages that God brought to mind were:

He rescued me because he delighted in me (Ps 18:19)  and 

The Lord your God is in your midst, a might one who will save; 

he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; 

he will exult over you with loud singing. (Zeph 3:17)

On the way home I realized that God tells us that he loves us over and over again in Scripture because we need to hear it over and over and over again. The context of each of these verses show that God is with us and to what extent he will go to rescue us, to rescue me.

A silent retreat may seem like an oxymoron but for me, it was a precious time. I highly recommend it.